Mary Barr

The majority of this biography was taken from an article written by Verna Seely Carter with clarification added.

Mary Barr was born on December 1, 1801, in Bart Township, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania; a daughter of Christian and Susanna Brenneman Barr. She grew up in a large, well built, brown stone house. She was one of thirteen children, she being the fifth child. Her brothers and sisters were: Michael, Christian, Jacob (who died young), Amos, Benjamin, Susan, Anne, Elizabeth Fanny, Judith, Barbara, and Jacob. It is interesting to note that this family, at this time, knew nothing " of the Gospel of Jesus Christ; therefore, they believed that when their first son Jacob died, that was the end of him. Therefore, they named another son Jacob.

Mary learned to cook, weave cloth, sew, keep a clean house, and tend the garden and livestock. By holding a lamp close to a bedside while her mother cared for the sick, she learned home nursing and the use of herbs as medicine. When Mary was eighteen years old, her father painted a fresh coat of blue paint on the gate of the white picket fence, signifying that there was a daughter of age to marry living there and young men were permitted to come calling. They did, and each sat dutifully with the family in the parlor until the daughter was permitted to go, walking with the young man. Mary selected the distinguished young John Neff II for her husband. He was 26 years of age and she was 21. They were married on January 12, 1822. Along with quilts, hand woven chair covers, cured fruits and vegetables, Mary brought a cow and several pigs as her dowry.

On Mary's wedding day, her mother took her in her arms and gave her a tight hug, telling her to be a good wife. Her father patted her shoulder, wished her well, and told her, "You have made your bed, lie in it," which meant, "You have made a marriage, stay with it."

Mary's first child, Barbara Matilda, was born on October 28, 1822. Nine other children were born within one and one half to two years of each other. They were Franklin, Amos Herr, Cyrus, Mary Ann, Susanna, Benjamin Barr, Amanda, John Ill, and Elizabeth. All grew to maturity except Amanda, who passed away at the age of four. Mary Barr made a good choice in a husband. John Neff II was the only living son of his family, and his father had given him the opportunity of a liberal education. And he taught him the business and how to work. At the time of his marriage he was on the way to building an empire. With knowledge of what to do and how to do it, combined with a willingness to work, he and his wife built up a prosperous livelihood and, at one time, he was considered one of the wealthiest land owners in Lancaster County. They owned woolen shops, flour, shingle, and molasses mills, plus a brewery.

The story is told of John and Mary discovering four of their sons slacking their thirst much too often at the brewery, so the door was bolted and the sons were put on a diet of straight molasses until they were "purged" of their indulgence.

It is rumored that John Neff was a personal friend of President James Buchanan. Mary was a gracious hostess to him in their fifteen-room home of rock. If the rumor is true, then it must have grieved them to know that their friend was responsible for sending the US Army to Utah in 1857. tHE Army was sent to wage war against the mormons.

In 1842 two Mormon missionaries came to Lancaster County, and John and Mary were converted and baptized. Seven of their children were also baptized and the others were baptized as they become of age. It is not certain how many times John and Mary visited the Prophet Joseph Smith in Nauvoo. But we "do know that they were there as guests of the Prophet and his wife in the Mansion house in the year 1844, just weeks before the martyrdom of the Prophet and his brother Hyrum. Mary told her children that the Prophet had told her husband, 'I shall not live long.' In grave sadness John Neff inquired, "Brother Joseph, then what shall we do?" The reply was, "There will be someone in my place." Before the Neff’s left the Mansion House, John Neff said to his wife, "The Prophet could use some money to help take care of the saints." and Mary helped him remove some gold pieces from the heavy leather money belt he wore around his waist.

Six weeks later, news reached the Neffs that the Prophet and his brother had been murdered. With grief John and Mary prepared to sell some of their holdings in Pennsylvania, and the made arrangements for the rental of the other holdings and prepared to move west. They arrived in Nauvoo about the time the last of the Saints were being driven from their homes. The Neffs joined the exodus to Winter Quarters, It was at that place that their son Cyrus became ill. His mother practiced all the nursing skills she knew. They were to no avail, as he worsened and passed away. He was buried at Winter Quarters. The Neffs spent the winter of 1846-47 in Winter Quarters where john helped direct the building of the grist mill that Brigham had contracted to build for the saints. When the mill was completed Mary again went to the money belt and Gave the Prophet $2600.00 and Brigham gave him the deed to the mill. In the summer of 1847, they moved on with Captain Jedidiah Grant's company. By request of the prophet, Franklin and his wife Elizabeth stayed behind to run the mill for one more season.

Arriving in the Salt Lake Valley on October 2, 1847, the Neffs spent the first winter at the Old Fort. But began to make arrangements to built a Grist mill on Mill Creek. John went back to Winter Quarters in the spring and helped Franklin load the machinery into wagons in preparation for the trip to The west. When Franklin and his family arrived in the Salt Lake Valley in the fall of 1848, the whole family moved to what became East Mill Creek. There they built houses and finished the mill. The lumber was cut from timber in the canyon that was later named Neff’s Canyon.

Mary Barr Neff won the love and respect of everyone. She was a staunch supporter of her husband, a good wife and mother, an example of good homemaking and thrift, but generous with what they had. The money belt worn around John's waist was well known by the family and they called him President Young's Treasurer. They said they witnessed Brigham Young driving up in his carriage to their home, and after a brief interlude with their father, john Neff would go to his wife with this statement, "Mother, President Young needs a thousand dollars." Then came an entry in the expense account, "Let Brigham Young have a thousand dollars.' A son records that after a time he did not see the money belt again.

Mary Barr Neff outlived her husband by six years and died in Salt Lake on December 1, 1875. She was 74 years old on that day.

This short obituary of Mary Barr Neff appeared in the Deseret News.

Mary Barr Neff died at her residence on Mill Creek, at 8 p.m. Dec. 1st, her birthday, MARY BARR NEFF, relict of the late John Neff, aged 75 years. Funeral services in 13th Ward Assembly Rooms tomorrow (Friday) at 11 a.m. Friends are respectfully invited.

"Mrs. Neff was formerly from Strasburg Township, and daughter of Melchor Barr of Lancaster Co. She leaves a large family connection, and many friends to mourn her loss. Mr. John Neff, her husband, became a member of the Mormon church some twenty-five years ago, and removed from this county shortly after to Salt Lake city, where he and his family have resided ever since. Mrs. Neff, when her husband determined to remove to Utah, like a loving wife adopted the precept of Ruth ('Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and they God, my God; Where thou diest I will die; and there will I be. buried; The
Lord do so to me and more also if aught but death part thee and me') How truly this Christian precept was fulfilled by Mrs. Neff, Mr. Neff dying some four years ago. Mrs. Neff was a perfect lady, a kind and affectionate wife and mother, and a true friend to the poor .I
enjoyed her hospitality a great many times and she was more to me like a mother than a friend. I deeply sympathize with her family. They can truly say we have lost a mother.